Unbought Stuffed Dogs: ECI 521 Pre-FoKI

As someone with very limited classroom experience, it is difficult to assess exactly what I know and what I need to learn. It has been helpful to substitute from a behavior management perspective, but I have yet to be able to really engage the students in lessons that are meaningful and comprehensive. However, I do know how I arrived at pursuing education as a career, and it involved my journey book.

I began college as a Biology major. I think the decision was made after AP Biology in twelfth grade. I had performed well, and I had a little interest in the way things work. Everyone I spoke to told me that Biology was the best way to secure a “good career.” No one ever bothered to tell me that a good career really just meant something that paid well. It doesn't imply that one will be happy or satisfied. I quickly lost interest in Biology. I still felt successful in the kinds of classes that challenged me to understand how life works, but the courses that required endless memorization and torturous lectures turned me off completely.

That Spring my long time high school girlfriend and I broke up. As Rod Stewart says, the first cut is the deepest, and I went from knowing exactly how my life would play out over the next fifty years to having no idea what I was going to do on the weekend. It is very sappy, but this was an event that rocked my understanding of myself. In January I began my first course in Literature. It was only a broad survey course, but we read one book in particular that spoke to me at that time. As the Sun Rises offered a depiction of a tough, strong willed character that I wished I could be, Jake Barnes. He too had trouble with the woman in his life, Lady Bret Ashley. She led him to think that she would be with him, and he generally fell for it. The plot was interesting enough with it's picturesque scenes of rugged manliness and realistic, stomach wrenching, complicated heartbreak, but what I really connected with, and what I had only been exposed to in a college setting, was subtle language and imagery patterns that make it a masterpiece. The teacher entrusted me to develop these ideas on my own, and I ran with it, writing about religious imagery throughout the work. Until that time, I had only been taught how to respond to literature in brief AP or EOC style essays that showed I had an understanding of the plot and at least an inkling of the deeper themes. This was the first essay I felt stretched me to understand more than action.

After another very meaningful and enjoyable Literature course at UNC, I switched my major to English. I was asked what I planned on doing with my new major( I still get this question). I didn't know. But I remember a quote from Jakes friend Bill in As the Sun Rises. "Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs." I knew that this was an opportunity I had to take, even if I wasn't sure what it was for right now. I took a couple of years to travel and work, but eventually I concluded that I had been done a great disservice in high school. I had written for the paper, edited the yearbook, written songs and poetry, and yet no one ever told me I should pursue writing or literature as a career. Somehow, people thought I would make a good lab technician. I hope that I can teach literature in a way that engages students, that inspires them to pursue literature not just as a hobby but as a way of making meaning in life, and I feel that I have a lot to learn about how to do this. I hope that the way I teach English allows students to see that pursuing their creative interests is usually far more rewarding than following economic interests. At least in my very limited experience. With that perspective, I think I can make sense of what I currently know and what I hope to know when this course is over.

Professional Self:
One of the main things I want students to do in my class is react and respond to the works in ways that are meaningful to them. Too often I was told there was a right or wrong way to interpret something. There isn't. I want to foster a community like I experienced in college where students feel that they can say anything so long as it is meaningful to them. I also think it is really important to integrate technology in the classroom. But I wish to dispell the myth of the digital native. I am a digital native in that I can pick up something digital and quickly start working it. But, as I often find with similar kids in the mid-twenties, I don't have a deep understanding of everything that is out there. I want to continue to learn about new tools, such as SecondLife that can further engage students. One thing that has really been looming over me has been the fact that everything we put on the internet is available to anyone (this also borders on Virtual Self). I think it is really important to stress this to students from a social justice standpoint. With cable news and instant reaction, there is a really inflammatory nature to our culture, and it is most prominent on the internet. I think easing kids into online groups and societies using book clubs and other constructive ventures will help them remember that there is always an audience even if you are just sitting at your computer screen. In the same vein, I think that great literature makes us feel like we aren't alone. It let's us know that others have had similar experiences and dealt with similar hardships, and hopefully my classroom will allow students to explore the bridge between literature and their own experience with society.

Literate Self
This is the area where I feel most unprepared. I simply have not read much young adult literature. I feel like most of what I read is mature and dense. Not very well suited for the classroom. However, from the beginning of Revolver, (which I chose because Revolver is also my favorite Beatles album) I realized that Young Adult literature can do much more than I initially thought. There may be a place for the Boxcar Children and Goosebumps, but they do not represent the whole of the young adult genre, and I look forward to continue to read meaningful and high quality young adult books.

Virtual Self
As I touched on before, my virtual self scares me a little. I think humor is really difficult to convey in the current online climate, and I feel like I am often too cynical not to make a tongue in cheek remark. I have blogged before, but it was a lot of comedic, creative nonfiction. The challenge is deciding whether or not that image goes well with the image of a teacher. One would think that creative writing should be okay, but I don't know that I trust Principals or others who are hiring to overlook some vulgarity to see that writing shouldn't be censored, even for a high school teacher. That's kind of a tangent, but it has shaped the way I think about my virtual identity. I try not to have a large facebook presence, and try and make sure that all the comments I leave on blogs, or posts I write are in line with the image of a person preparing to shape young minds. That being said, I think that I need to get a better grasp of all online tools so that I can help students with new technologies. I think they can be extremely useful if used with caution.

Goals:

Professional Self:
I want to be able to provide the tools for students and I to interact with young adult literature in a way that inspires creativity and deep thought. I want to gain the tools to engage the students who feel disconnected as well as the tools to propel already interested students to new heights. Just as writing workshop and multi-genre projects were new and exciting this previous semester, I hope to learn how to properly implement new ways of reading. I think that book clubs will be really interesting (I've never been in one before), and I want to learn the most effective ways to facilitate new media interactions with literature. As a white, middle class, heterosexual male, I want to learn new effective and prudent ways to explore and discuss diversity and social justice as it relates to my students.

Literate Self:
I am going to make it a goal of mine to join a book club that regularly reads high quality young adult novels after this class is over. I think this will be good not only for my teaching career, but for making my reading choices easier. I hope to increase my library of wonderful young adult novels that foster growth in my students.

Virtual Self:
I want to learn responsible ways to increase my online identity. I want to be able to connect with other teachers of young adult literature (likely through the English Companion Ning and this is also a professional and literate self goal) and get ideas for lessons and new books to explore. I also want to shore up my knowledge of web 2.0 programs so that I can help my students interact with and respond to texts in new ways.

Reflection:
There was a lot in this analysis of my own knowledge that was a little hard to admit. It is easy to say that I wasn't offered good opportunities to interact with literature in high school, and it is true. I never experienced a writing workshop, or a book club. But this blog made me think about how I can change the culture that made it possible for me to slip by like that. I now have the power to interact with any literature I choose, and yet I often don't, or I only interact with news items. I think that this reflection has reminded me how much I love to read, and also how much effort (and at the same time how little) it takes to step back during the busy day and do some reading that will help me grow. I also feel more focused as far as what I want to get out of this course professionally. I think the virtual interactions and book clubs are going to be key to my teaching in the future. Unfortunately, I came to little conclusions about my virtual self. The idea of everyone being able to interact so regularly and easily with me makes me very uneasy. Hopefully by the end of this course I can find a way to balance the feeling of being exposed with the positive aspects of a strong virtual identity (professional relationships, resources and interactions).